


don't let me go

by sunsetblurs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: First Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Smoking, but just a mention of it really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 22:28:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21381631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetblurs/pseuds/sunsetblurs
Summary: Renjun and Donghyuck have been best friends since the age of thirteen, but it took them five years and one slow dance in the middle of a field to admit that what they have is more than a friendship.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	don't let me go

**Author's Note:**

> if by any chance you want to help me pay rent, you can send me a [coffee](https://ko-fi.com/sunsetblurs), i would be eternally grateful <3

Donghyuck and Renjun have been best friends practically from the first time they saw each other. They were both thirteen then and managed to bond over their shared hatred for family gatherings when their families dragged them to the same restaurant for dinner one evening. Renjun was sitting at the table, bored out of his mind, and when he looked around to see what kinds of people are sitting there, his eyes landed on Donghyuck, who looked just as bored as Renjun figured he himself looked. They smiled at each other and that was the beginning of their long-lasting friendship.

  


Despite Renjun’s family insisting he joins them for dinner, they let him leave with Donghyuck since they probably saw just how much their _teenage rebel_ doesn’t want to be there. Renjun didn’t dislike his family in any way; he just felt like they don’t need to go out together – they already see plenty of each other at home.

  


Donghyuck’s relationship with his family wasn’t as peaceful as Renjun’s, but he hadn’t opened up about that until they were both fifteen. Donghyuck’s family wasn’t too happy about how flamboyant and artistic their son was; not necessarily because they would have anything against those people in general, but because it went against the life plan they had for Donghyuck. They boy didn’t really care about grades, didn’t think much about his future and just lived his life the way he left like living it. Donghyuck and his family didn’t hate each other, but it wasn’t a happy household either.

  


However, Donghyuck always insisted that he’s used to the way his family works and it didn’t really bother him, which is why he didn’t like talking about it because people usually felt like it suddenly became their business once they knew, and tried to solve problems that didn’t need solving. That’s why Renjun never did that; he trusted Donghyuck when he said it’s okay and he also trusted Donghyuck that he would come to him if it suddenly wasn’t okay.

  


Their friendship was perfect in every way possible. They trusted each other, they cared for each other, and once people their age started dating, they realized that they only want each other.

  


Renjun was pretty open about his sexuality – or more precisely the lack of a label. When him and Donghyuck had their first talk about relationships at the age of fourteen, Renjun wasn’t afraid to say that he doesn’t care about what people label his as because he probably was all of the words they would use. Sometimes he felt like he’s into girls and sometimes he felt like he prefers boys. Sometimes it mattered to him whether his crushes are good people and sometimes it was purely physical. He had his first kiss with a boy when he was only twelve and he had his first kiss with a girl when he was fourteen, and he enjoyed both. And so Renjun quickly came to the conclusion that labels aren’t for him; he loved who he loved and he was attracted to who he was attracted to, and it was no one else’s business but his own.

  


Donghyuck liked the approach, and he felt like it made so much sense, but as he got through his puberty, he realized that while the approach made perfect sense to Renjun, it wasn’t the way Donghyuck himself felt because he knew that he’s only into kissing boys. And when he told his best friend, he got all the love and support he could ever ask for. _“Just because sexuality isn’t a big deal for me doesn’t mean I don’t understand how it’s a big deal for other people. I’m proud of you, Donghyuck. More than you can imagine.” _But Donghyuck could imagine because he knew just how proud he himself felt every time Renjun told him about the things he’s achieved.

  


Renjun was sixteen when he realized that he is in love with his best friend, and while the thought itself didn’t scare him in any way, he still decided not to tell Donghyuck; or at least not yet. He felt like they’re still very young and there’s no need to rush into a relationship that would probably just destroy their friendship as they matured. Renjun was convinced that the first heartbreak is the one that is the hardest to get over, so he wanted to make sure that his first heartbreak wouldn’t be Donghyuck.

  


Once they turned seventeen, they had to start worrying about the future and Donghyuck hated that more than anything. He spent almost every other night at Renjun’s place crying about not having any idea what he wants to do. Renjun himself had a very plain plan, but he didn’t mind not having any huge goals; he liked the life he planned for himself. He didn’t want to go to university because it felt like a waste of time since he couldn’t imagine himself enjoying any of the jobs the people with degrees do. Renjun wanted to find a job – maybe at a coffee shop or a restaurant – and sell his art on the side.

  


Donghyuck felt like his best friend had the potential to do something bigger and he didn’t hesitate to let Renjun know; which led to their first argument that wasn’t just about cheating during a game of Overwatch or eating each other’s food. Renjun thought that Donghyuck is being a huge hypocrite by trying to tell Renjun what to do with his life when Donghyuck himself often complained about how he hates when his family does that to him.

  


They didn’t talk for a week, but Donghyuck eventually apologized after he realized how unfair of him it was to tell Renjun what he should do, and Renjun quickly forgave him. It's not like he could stay mad at Renjun even if he tried to. 

  


Donghyuck knew that Renjun has been an occasional smoker from the age of sixteen, but it wasn’t until they were eighteen when he finally found the spot Renjun went to when he needed to forget about everything. He's never tried to find before, because he knew that it’s Renjun’s special place. But Donghyuck himself needed to forget about everything one evening and he decided that going on a walk won’t do him any harm.

  


There was a park connected to a big field close to his house, so he went there and there he saw Renjun; sitting in the middle of the field with a cigarette in between his lips. Donghyuck’d never actually seen Renjun smoke before – he just knew he does it sometimes – but he wasn’t as repulsed as he expected himself to be considering he wasn’t the biggest fan of smoking. But Renjun looked so at ease and calm that Donghyuck didn’t find it in himself to tell him to stop.

  


Donghyuck wasn’t sure if he should approach Renjun or just walk away, but it was too late to leave when Renjun looked into his direction and called him over with the big smile that was always plastered on his face anytime Donghyuck was around.

  


“Found my secret spot, huh?” Renjun asked, but he didn’t sound mad at Donghyuck. He knew his friend well enough to know that Donghyuck didn’t actually follow him here, and he couldn’t be mad at him for taking a walk through a field that was so close to where they both lived.

  


Donghyuck just nodded and sat down on the grass next to Renjun. The boy didn’t stop smoking, but he made sure to blow the smoke away from him since he knew that Donghyuck doesn’t like the smell. “Needed to not think for a while and I ended up here,” he explained briefly. Renjun knew that if Donghyuck wanted to talk about it, he would start right away, and so Renjun didn’t press him or ask any questions.

  


“That’s how I found this place two years back,” Renjun took another drag before continuing. “A lot was happening in my head and I needed to just turn off for a while. Daddy Google said that smoking helps with stress so I thought _why the hell not_, we’re all gonna die one day anyway,” Renjun chuckled and Donghyuck joined him because of course this is how Renjun would justify ruining his health.

  


“What’s happening in your head now?” Donghyuck asked. He was curious about what made Renjun so stressed he ended up developing a bad habit, but he assumed that that was probably all gone now.

  


“Still the same thing,” or maybe it wasn’t gone at all. “You know what I always wanted to do here but never could because I was alone?” Donghyuck figured that Renjun won’t elaborate on what’s stressing him out, so he just shook his head and waited to him to continue. “I’ve always wanted to slow dance in the middle of this field,” Renjun’s eyes were so bright as if the idea itself made him happy and all Donghyuck could do was smile back.

  


“We could do that now,” it was a ridiculous idea; it wasn’t even that late so anyone could walk past and see them slow dancing in the middle of the field like fools, but Donghyuck didn’t mind when he saw how excited Renjun was about it.

  


Renjun played the first slow song he found in his phone and stood up, offering his hand to Donghyuck with_ “may I have this dance?” _and Donghyuck was speechless for some reason. He nodded and let Renjun help him stand up before his best friend’s hands were on his waist and Donghyuck wrapped his arms around Renjun’s neck.

  


The song playing became just a white noise to Donghyuck as he could focus only on how close they are right now and how intimate it feels. Sure, he’s always been aware of how well Renjun matured and how good looking he was now, but it wasn’t just a physical attraction Donghyuck felt, and he knew that.

  


So right there and then, slow dancing in the middle of the field, Donghyuck realized that he’s in love with his best friend.

  


“I love you,” he blurted out, not really thinking it through. He didn’t really regret saying it, but he felt like maybe he should have waited a bit and let himself get used to this new feeling. But everyone knew that Donghyuck isn’t very patient.

  


Renjun didn’t look surprised; he didn’t really look like anything, his face void of any emotion, and Donghyuck was scared he fucked up by saying it so randomly, but then Renjun smiled the dreamy smile Donghyuck loved so much.

  


“I know, I love you too,” now Donghyuck was a bit confused because how could have Renjun possibly known when he himself just realized?

  


But then Renjun kissed him and all the questions he had were wiped away. He could taste the nicotine on Renjun’s lips and while he wasn’t a fan of that, he knew that he is a big fan of Renjun’s lips on his.

  


They’ve both been with other people before, they just didn’t really tell each other about that and suddenly it made sense why. Why would you tell the person you’re in love with that you were with someone else?

  


They kissed until they couldn’t kiss anymore and had to pull away, but the second they felt like they have enough oxygen in their lungs again, they didn’t waste a second before kissing again. Renjun’s hands were still on Donghyuck’s waist and he used that to pull him closer and completely wrap his arms around him. Donghyuck liked the pressure as he himself tried to get as close to Renjun as possible.

  


“Wow,” Donghyuck breathed out when they finally pulled away and Renjun just laughed and pecked his nose. “Why haven’t we done this sooner?” Renjun knew he has an answer for that, but he didn’t want to get too serious right after they finally confessed; he wanted to enjoy this properly first.

  


“Wasn’t the right time,” he just said before sitting back down and pulling Donghyuck with him. “But now I’m not letting you go again,” he added once Donghyuck’s head was settled in his lap.

  


“Please, don’t let me go,” Donghyuck mumbled and took Renjun’s hand to kiss it gently.

  


Renjun still had yet to experience his first heartbreak, but he was sure as hell he’ll try his best not to let it be Donghyuck, because while they might be only eighteen with their whole lives ahead of them, Renjun was convinced that his first love was going to be his last.


End file.
